The False Exit Page 25

  “I asked you because you kissed me, and you liked it. You liked it a lot,” he teased.

  “How do you know that I ‘liked it a lot’?” she asked.

  “I know. That’s why I asked you here. So now, I have two questions for you. Why did you kiss me, and why did you accept my invitation to come here?”

  Liz drew in a deep breath. “I don’t know and I don’t know. I guess the answer is the same for both. I had to find out what I don’t know.”

  “What don’t you know?”

  “I don’t know what you’re doing?” she said. “What are you doing to me?”

  “Me?” He looked confused. “You kissed me!” he said.

  Liz withdrew. She stared into her drink. Mark studied the humiliation on her face. He shifted, “Listen, it’s okay. I’m glad that you kissed me. I’m ecstatic it happened. I left an opening and you walked in. I am really glad you did.”

  “What do you mean, you left an opening?” Liz asked.

  “What I mean is I wanted you to know I was open to you. You are with Gary. I’m trying to be okay with that. I just never really closed the door because I honestly hoped you would walk back through it.”

  “You confuse me!”

  “Don’t blame me. Love confuses.”

  “Why did you let me go if you were going to leave the door open?”

  Mark mixed his drink with an olive sword. “I think it’s important to allow a woman to explore her heart. Especially if that woman has very little exploration. Gary was pulling on you—I wanted you to go.”

  “But you didn’t close the door?”

  “That would have been your job. Instead you walked back through it.”

  “Why do I want to throw this drink in your face?”

  “Probably because you hate that you are attracted to me. Your head is telling you to be in love with Gary, but your heart is telling you to love me.”

  “What about you? What about Shayla?”

  “I’m in the same boat,” he paused. “Well, it’s kind of the opposite boat, actually.”

  “Opposite?”

  “Sort of, but basically the same. Let’s just say that’s why I broke up with Shayla. After you kissed me, I was sure that I was no longer interested in her. I realized that it wasn’t fair to her.”

  “Oh Lord, I fear the wrath!”

  Mark gritted his teeth. “Sorry.” They both took a drink. “Tell me about Gary,” he said as he set his glass down.

  “I feel bad. Gary is a nice guy. I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “He is a big boy. He knew what he was doing when he stole you from me.”

  “Nobody steals me!”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “He knew what he was doing when he asked you out. He knew I was interested in you. He did it anyway. Maybe he should have waited; not that he had to. I’m just saying, maybe he should have.”

  “Maybe I should have waited. No, maybe I would’ve waited, but you didn’t give me a reason to!”

  “I didn’t,” he admitted.

  “Why not? I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out,” she said. “Why didn’t you give me a reason to stay with you?”

  “I wanted to give you the opportunity to find the reason yourself. I guess you did. It just took you longer than I anticipated.” He grinned to the side, revealing only one of his dimples.

  “Mark, you could be with any girl. Are you sure you don’t want me just because you haven’t had me?”

  “Liz, you could have any man. Are you sure you don’t want me just because you haven’t had me?”

  “What makes you so sure I want you,” she asked.

  “You can’t hide what is in your eyes. You certainly can’t hide what was behind that kiss! I’ve been waiting for that!”

  Liz looked away and grinned uncomfortably. He waited for her to say something.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” she snickered.

  “What?” he asked again.

  “What, what?—” she held the same awkward grin.

  “Seriously, what?

  “What? Seriously!” she laughed. “You are so full of crap!”

  He laughed harder. “You’re feeling that drink already aren’t you?”

  “No. Yes. No. Maybe. I am,” she said.

  “One blue moon martini is worth at least two of regular martinis! Maybe I better get you something to eat.”

  “Maybe you better. My head was already spinning with this drink, but your crazy talk has really got it going,” she let out a nervous chuckle.

  “How about you look over the menu and let’s make a deal to talk about something else. I don’t like the tension I’m feeling from you. How about we just agree to have a good time. We’re here, for whatever reason. It’s a nice evening. We should relax, have fun.” He smiled at her and flagged down the waiter. They shared a perfect dinner and Liz did just as he suggested. She relaxed and had fun.

  “Are you sure you are okay to drive?” Mark asked as he led her to the parking lot.

  “Most definitely, I needed to eat something. That’s all. I only had one drink, Mark.”

  “I know,” he said.

  “I’m seriously sober,” she said. “Thank you for making me eat, though!”

  “I just don’t like you driving home alone.”

  “I’m fine,” she said.

  “Can I follow you home?” he asked.

  She paused before she answered, “Yes.”

  She got into the car and immediately tried to remember how she’d left the house earlier that day. Had she left anything out? Her mind flooded with anxiety and anticipation as she turned down the different streets. Was she even going to invite him in? Of course she was. Would he come in? Of course he would. He knew she was sober. He wouldn’t have let her drive if he felt any different. He was following her for the very reason she hoped he was.

  Mark pulled up to the curb behind her. Liz took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Mark walked up to her and gestured toward the house.

  “Cute place!”

  “I like it,” she said. “I spend most of my time at my grandma’s, but this is my little place.”

  “If I had a grandmother like yours, I would spend all my time at her place.”

  “Would you like to come in?” she asked.

  “Sure,” he followed her up the driveway.

  Liz started to doubt herself again. What about Gary? She turned around, but before she could open the door he stepped close to her. She felt herself drowning in the aroma of oak and cinnamon. She couldn’t worry about Gary. She was making a choice. Mark leaned in and kissed her as she pushed the door open. He pushed the door shut and he continued to kiss her in the darkened hallway.

  Liz watched Mark saunter down her driveway in the dark. She closed the door behind her hoping none of her neighbors had noticed. This was the second man to leave her house in the early morning hours within a few weeks. Was she awful? No, she wasn’t awful. She was a grown woman and far more innocent than other girls her age. That didn’t make it okay to be loose. Was she loose? She’d just let Gary stay the night and Mark was leaving in the early hours of the morning. What was wrong with her? She’d never felt more alive.

  She was much more fascinated with Mark than Gary. Gary was easier to talk to. Mark was a better listener. She stood in the hallway and detested what her mind was doing. She was comparing the men. She was interested in both of them. Gary was quirky. He was driving her nuts, but he was genuine and kind. Mark always seemed like he was hiding something. He was mysterious and interesting. What should she do? She was in too deep. She wished she’d listened to her grandmother and taken a break from all of it.

  She glanced at the kitchen clock. She could sleep for few hours. She started back to the bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and looked at the bed. She jumped on it. Mark! It was Mark. He was on her mind and in her heart. Gary was a friend. She suddenly knew it with certainty. A restored sense of harmony silenced
her mind.

  She set her phone alarm and slept for several blissful hours. She woke up with the same serenity and stepped into the shower. As she finished dressing her phone chimed. It was Mark.

  I’m sorry if I offended you, last night.

  You didn’t offend me. Why would you think that? She texted back.

  I feel bad that I stayed so late. I got too comfortable with you. I should have gone home.

  I invited you to stay. It was nice.

  I don’t want to ruin our friendship. You said you were confused and I probably didn’t help with your confusion. I’m sorry.

  Liz stared at her phone. He wasn’t helping with her confusion now.

  What are you saying? She asked.

  Gary is a great guy. He is good for you.

  You’re not?

  No, I’m not. Gary is much better for you, he texted.

  Why are you telling me that now! Why didn’t you tell me that before you invited me to the bar and came to my place? She said into her phone. She didn’t text it. She texted, I like being with you.

  You should take some time to think about it. I think it would be best for you if we remained friends for now.

  Her heart sunk. Confusion flooded her again and she felt her energy drain. She text, Why? I already know that I want to be more than friends. I really like you.

  I don’t want to lose our friendship.

  She set her phone down. It chimed again.

  Are you okay?

  I’m confused!!!

  Exactly! That is why I think we should just remain friends for now. I’m sorry I confused you. I don’t want you to be upset. Our friendship is important to me.

  All of the life and excitement she’d been feeling from being with him instantly vanished. He’d given her the answer she was looking for and then took it away. They should remain friends ‘for now’? What did he mean by that? Was he right? Did he sense her confusion? Did he know she still had feelings for Gary? Did she? She hated how the confusion consumed her. Once again she was regretting that she hadn’t listened to her grandmother. She picked up the phone.

  “Gammy, can I come over for lunch?”

  “Why do you even think you have to ask?” Mary said.

  49

  Anna Marie slowly crept down the long stretch of a narrow road that led to the prison. The sound of the tires spitting pebbles up underneath the frame of her car was exaggerated by the quiet of the early morning ride. She watched the sun sneak over the high walls and steel fencing of the portentous entrance as she grew closer. She pulled into a parking space with a familiar level of anxiety and uncertainty. Wisps of red hair being teased by the wind and the inflamed blush of Darci’s cheeks came to mind. Darci was broken on the day she first met her in the park. She knew she was now waiting for her somewhere behind the cement walls of a small room where she was undoubtedly completely shattered.

  She drifted in the weight of the situation. She was about to visit a prisoner. A woman who loved the same man that she’d loved. A mother who could no longer raise her own child. She was about to hand her own daughter to the woman who was the representation of her agonizing deception and heartbreak. She tried to imagine the unbearable agony that Darci had to be feeling.

  The security team directed her through the pat down. They instructed her to empty her pockets. Her purse was tagged and tucked into a cubby behind the counter. A guard instructed her to place both of her hands on the counter and lean forward as she patted her down. Finally, one of the women led her down a long hall and through a second security station. They walked through a metal detector and several locked doors until they reached a large room. She was instructed to sit at a table. Shortly after, Darci was sitting across from her. The two women stared at each other for a quiet moment that felt like an eternity. It was as if they were both still in disbelief that the other existed.

  “Thank you,” Darci finally said. Her voice was weak and filled with tension.

  “I’m sorry this has happened to you.” Anna Marie had no plan for what she would say to Darci. She was surprised at how after a brief pause, the words spilled out on their own. “This should never have happened. It shouldn’t be like this. I know you were a good mother! I know you how love that little girl! You are the reason she is an amazing child. I’m going to take good care of her. I promise you—” Darci nodded her head. Anna Marie watched her wipe the sides of her cheeks.

  “I miss her so much! I can’t—I don’t even know when—” Darci began to sob. She gasped for air between her words. “I can’t believe I’ve done this to her. I left her! I ruined her life. I can’t even—”

  Anna Marie reached for her hand. “I will bring her to you as often as they’ll let me. I’m going to do everything I can to give her a good life! A good life is one that includes you—every step along the way.”

  “I just want her to be okay.”

  “She will be. I promise you; she’ll be okay. I’ll do everything I can to see to it. I’ll love her as if—. I will love her like—” she paused.

  “No, say it,” Darcie said, “you can say it! I want to hear you say it!”

  Anna Marie had dropped her eyes to her lap. She brought them back up slowly and took a deep breath. She nodded her head at Darci and finished the thought,“—I will love her like she is my own.”

  “Thank you!” Darci said. She squeezed Anna Marie’s hand. They remained quiet for a moment as they tried to gather their emotions. One of the guards dropped a box of tissues next to them and stepped back again. They both reached for the one at the same time. Their hands danced over the box trying to determine who would pull the first tissue. An encouraging smile broke through her tears as Anna Marie finally grabbed a tissue and handed it to Darci. Then she took one and dabbed at her eyes.

  “What can I do? Tell me, Darci. What do you want me to know about her? What should I know about you? What do you need me to do?”

  “I trust you,” Darci said dabbing at her own eyes, “that is the most important thing you need to know. I trust you to take care of her and make all the right decisions, but please never stop telling her how much I love her.” She took a deep breath. “And, I know it will be hard, but please try to let her know that her—” She broke down again and cried through the words, “—her Daddy loved her too.” She pulled her eyes straight into Anna Marie’s. “He was a terrible mess, but he really did love her,” she said.

  “I know,” Anna Marie said. “It won’t be hard for me to tell her that!”

  Darci shifted her posture and went on to tell her some of the simple things about her child. Anna Marie made as many mental notes as she could. She loves to have the back of her arms scratched, her favorite color is blue and she hates fish. She likes to play go fish and she’d been begging for a puppy. She isn’t very good at math, but likes to read and draw.

  The guard gave them a one minute warning and Anna Marie said, “Is there anything else?”

  “I’d like to tell her, please. When the time is right, I will talk to her. I want to be the one to let her know what happened—how it all happened.”

  “Yes, that will be up to you,” Anna Marie said.

  “Ask her to write me letters and draw me pictures.”

  “Of course! I think they’ll let me bring her once a week,” Anna Marie said.

  “I’m going to need something to look at all the hours in-between.”

  “I understand,” Anna Marie said. The guard walked up to the table and Anna Marie stood up. “Darci, I promise I’m going to do my best to keep you in the center of her world. I need you to promise me that you will also do your best. You have to get through this and still be the beautiful woman that your little girl knows as her mother when you come out on the other side of it all. I’m going to do everything I can for your daughter, but she needs you!”

  “I know,” Darci said as she began to cry again. “She is the reason I will get through this. When do you get her?”

  “I’m not positive. Soon, though
very soon,” Anna Marie said.

  Darci struggled to speak through her sobs. “I so badly want to hug her, kiss her, wrap her up in my arms and tell her I love her. Please do that for me. Tell her I miss her, and let her know that I will see her soon!”

  “Of course,” Anna Marie promised. The guard tapped her shoulder.

  Anna Marie rushed to her car. She collapsed behind the seat and threw her head into the air. Just breathe, she told herself; breathe. She pulled her finger to her face and watched it rise and fall. “Kevin, Kevin, Kevin; why Kevin, why?” she repeated over and over again.

  50

  It was Saturday morning and Motley wanted out. Bill didn’t have to force himself out of bed. He was looking forward to having breakfast with Clifford. He opened the door and Motley leaped into the yard. Bill threw on some clothes and headed out the door.

  “Come on boy,” he said as he opened the gate. Motley pushed passed him and beat him to the porch. Bill opened the door as soon as he heard the dog.

  “Hey!” he said to Bill. “Ready for breakfast? I’ve got the turkey sausage on. The hash browns are cooking in coconut oil and the coffee is ready. Mary even separated my eggs for me. She took all the yolks home. Sorry, but this is a no cholesterol zone. Come on in, if that doesn’t scare you.”

  “It smells good,” Bill said.

  “I have to admit it’s not so bad. Seriously, if you want to grab some real sausage and whole eggs, I can make that up for you.”

  “No, not at all. I’m committed to the no cholesterol version. I’m working on being a little healthier too.”

  “Good, then you can start with a bran muffin. Mary made some fresh ones yesterday.”

  “Last time Mary put a pound of butter on mine,” he teased.

  “Don’t worry, I still have some butter. I hid it in the back of the fridge! There are some things that will never leave me. Butter is one of them,” he joked. Motley settled in by the couch.

  “Look at Motley, he isn’t going to that corner anymore.” Bill said.

  “That’s because Kevin isn’t here,” Clifford said.

  “Good! I was hoping you would say that. Is he gone for good?” Bill replied sarcastically.