The False Exit Page 21

  “Silly,” she said. “I’ve enjoyed looking after you.”

  “I’ve enjoyed having you here. I want you to stay by me forever!”

  “About that—” she said, “Let’s not get too presumptuous. I’m sorry but I have to keep reminding you because I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m here helping you out, Clifford. That doesn’t mean that I’m here forever. In fact, I am not even sure what that means. What does that mean?”

  “It means I’m going to marry you, Mary.”

  “Clifford! It doesn’t work like that! I would appreciate it if you gave me the decency and the respect to acknowledge that I have the ability to say no.”

  “No, you don’t,” he said.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “You’re going to marry me, Mary,” he said.

  “No I’m not!” she said.

  “Yes, you are. Maybe you just don’t know it yet.”

  “You’re making me very uncomfortable, Clifford!”

  “You can fight it all you want, but it’s going to happen.”

  “I keep on telling you that I’m my own woman. If something is going to happen it’s because I want it to happen. It won’t be because you told me it would happen!”

  “It’s not me—”

  “I know—it’s Jesus!” she said. “That’s not fair. I told you, Jesus hasn’t spoken to me about it. Until I hear it for myself, I want you to stop saying it! Are we clear?”

  “Okay, fair enough,” he said. “I’ll stop saying it. I won’t say it anymore.”

  “Thank you,” she said. It was quiet for a moment.

  “That isn’t going to stop it from happening, you know!”

  “Clifford! You are wearing me down!”

  “Sorry,” he said.

  “No more talk of marriage! Do you understand me? I’m starting to get irritated. It was kind of cute at first. Now, it’s getting under my skin.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you, Mary. I would never want to do that. The trouble is that I’m just so certain of it. It’s already something that’s a part of me.”

  “Well I’m not so certain, and it’s not a part of me, yet. You’re making me anxious.”

  “I’ll shut up about it. I don’t want to make you nervous. I only want to make you happy.”

  “I’ll be happy if you stop putting that kind of pressure on me, thank you.”

  “Okay, consider it done! I’ll tell you what? I won’t say another word about it; ever. When you decide you’re ready to marry me, you go ahead and propose. You already know what my answer will be,” he said.

  “Oh Mylanta, Clifford!”

  “Sorry, sorry. I’m done. I mean it.”

  “It isn’t that I’m not flattered. I’m terribly flattered, but you don’t even really know me. Let’s slow this down and get to know each other. At the other end of this, you might just find you have a good friend and that will be enough!”

  “If you say so, Mary.”

  “I say so!” she stood up and grabbed her bag. “Liz is on her way, I’ll be waiting on the porch. Good night, Clifford.”

  “Good night, Mary.”

  A few moments later he opened the door, “Can I wait on the porch with you, Mary?”

  “If you promise to stop putting pressure on me?”

  “Promise!” he said.

  “Throw on your jacket, a little night air will do you good.”

  “Look at those two,” Bill said as they approached Clifford’s house. “Well, look at this,” Clifford echoed as he saw Bill and Anna Marie walking toward them. “It’s nice to see them together.”

  “Oh good. You can tell Anna Marie what Kevin said about little Annie,” Mary said.

  “Hello,” Clifford called.

  “Hey, there!” Bill replied as they stepped up to the porch.

  “Hello,” Anna Marie said. “Good to see you both. How are you feeling, Clifford?”

  “Good as new,” Clifford said.

  “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that,” Anna Marie replied.

  “How about you, Anna Marie. How are you?” Mary asked.

  “I’m doing well, thank you.”

  Mary shoved her elbow at Clifford. “I don’t know if Bill told you, but I’ve been trying to get a message to you,” Clifford said.

  “A message?”

  “I’ll let her know!” Bill said. He pulled Anna Marie from the porch. “You two have a good night!” he said as he maneuvered Anna Marie back down to the sidewalk.

  “What was that about?” Anna Marie asked as Bill rushed her toward his house.

  “It was about me getting you out of there so that I could get you inside and kiss you again,” he grinned. As soon as they walked through the front door, he did so. He didn’t lift his lips from hers as he walked her to the bedroom and pushed open the door. He used the back side of his leg to shut Motley out. He walked her to the bed—all the while kissing her. He pulled away from the kisses and she gazed into his eyes. He played with her hair.

  “You’re different,” he said.

  “I am,” she replied. He touched her face. “That feels nice.”

  “Why?” he asked

  “Why, what?”

  “Why are you different?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I just feel like it’s okay.”

  He pulled his hand away and sat up. “Okay?”

  “I just feel different since I saw Annie this morning,” she said.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I just know I’m going to do really well with her.”

  “You are,” he agreed.

  “You know how you said that Clifford has been seeing Kevin?”

  “Yes?” he asked. “I said it, but that doesn’t mean I believe it!”

  “Well, I told you that little Annie has been seeing him too.”

  “Do you believe that? Or, do you think it’s just her imagination.”

  “I don’t know. I think I believe it.” Bill pushed himself up against the head board. He was listening intently. Anna Marie sat up next to him. “Children are like that. I mean they’re in tune. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kevin was struggling to—I don’t know; to cross over, I guess they call it. If there was ever a soul that would need to hang around, it would be Kevin’s.”

  “Clifford says Kevin is hanging around because he has ‘unfinished business’ here.”

  “Well, there you go,” she said. “Kevin has been telling little Annie that I’m going to take her home and take care of her until her mother comes for her. She says that he tells her that she’ll be happy with me.”

  “I’m sure she will,” Bill said.

  “She also said that he told her to tell me that I should be with you,” she added.

  Bill’s eyes widened, “Be with me?”

  “Yes, I know it sounds odd, but it was actually good to hear.”

  Bill rolled off of the bed and stood on the other side of it. Anna Marie studied his face. It was riddled with disappointment. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Anna, I think you should probably leave,” he said.

  “Leave?”

  “Yes, I think you should go,” he picked up her jacket and pushed it toward her.

  “Bill?” She stood up.

  “I just feel that it would be better for both of us if you left.”

  “Why? I don’t understand.”

  Bill stood silent. He was looking at the ground. She put on her jacket and walked slowly past him. He looked up, his eyes were starting to fill.

  “I don’t understand,” she repeated.

  “That is why I think it is better you go.” He walked her toward the front door. He swallowed hard, “I’ll wait. I will not have you like this. I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “Like what?” she asked. The rejection was slowly turning to anger.

  “Like this!” he said. “I deserve more and so do you.” He looked at the floor again. “Good night, Anna!” he walked back into the bed
room and shut the door.

  41

  Anna Marie pulled up to the house. There was a light on. Could the day just be over, she thought. Could she take one more thing? She was sure her sister and her boyfriend would be gone by now. Did it matter? The emotional carnage of the day had left her empty. There was nothing left to feel. She might as well face the next event. She pushed open the door and Claire jumped up off the couch.

  “Anna Marie!”

  “Oh look, you’re still here,” Anna Marie said. Her words were absent of sentiment.

  “Where have you been? Oh God, you look like awful,” Claire said.

  “Yes, well that is exactly how I feel.”

  “What’s happened?”

  “What’s happened? Well let’s see—” she threw her purse on the counter. “What has happened? It started several months ago when I got a letter from a strange woman telling me that she was married to my husband. I found out they had a child together. Shortly after that, she shot and killed him. She went to prison. I tried to pull my life together and get that poor child out of foster care. I come home from a heartbreaking meeting with the child and my dear sister is on my couch with a man in his underwear who is wasted. My entire home; the safe haven I’m trying to build for the child—has been turned into some kind of party house! I go to find some kind of condolence from the man who has been my rock, my strength all along. He has said that he loves me, and that he is waiting patiently for me. The moment I begin to love him back, he throws me out. I can’t even get that right! I don’t know, you tell me what has happened! I don’t know what has happened to my life?”

  “Anna Marie,” Claire said. “I’m so sorry.”

  Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs Jonny?” she asked with sarcasm as she looked around the room.

  “I sent him home,” she said. “Do you want a glass of wine?”

  “I want a bucket of wine!” she said without a beat. “What were you thinking, Claire?”

  “I don’t know,” she answered as she reached for a wine glass. “I guess I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking at all. I was selfish. I was stupid. I was—“

  “You were! You were caught in a man-trap again! Why do you do that? You’re a mess! What is it with you and men,” she paused, “us—us and men? Or in your case, boys!”

  Claire put a glass of wine in her hand. Anna Marie kicked off her shoes on the way to the couch and left them where they landed.

  “I know. I just loose myself sometimes!” Claire said. Anna Marie slowly turned her eyes toward her.

  “You do! You get lost in love. It vaporizes your brain. You’re not even the same woman when a man grabs your attention. That guy was a baby!”

  “He was a good-looking baby,” she said sheepishly.

  Anna Marie sighed. “You’re a baby! You need to grow up and maybe you will get a real man. Actually, you need to grow up and learn to live without a man. Why don’t you just try to be okay—all on your own? Maybe if you get there first, you could break the spell that men have over you.”

  “You have to admit Jonny was cute.”

  “I don’t have to admit anything. Who cares! You have to admit that he was way too young for you!”

  “If they’re attracted to me; they’re fair game. Age doesn’t matter.”

  “Listen to you. Do you hear yourself? If they’re attracted to you? What about you, you shouldn’t be attracted to children.”

  “He wasn’t a child. You make it sound like I’m a molester or something.”

  “That’s not what I mean by child and you know it! You’re just blocking what you need to hear. You should be attracted to men a little closer to your age and maturity! I think you like the immature ones because you need to be in control of the relationship. It gives you the one up!”

  “You were older than Kevin.”

  “I wasn’t twenty years older!”

  “Sixteen,” Claire replied guiltily.

  “Okay, sixteen! I was five years older than Kevin. That’s a big difference. Why would you even bother to try to compare them, anyhow? Do I need to remind you how things turned out with Kevin?”

  “Jonny isn’t just some loser playboy. He’s a successful young man. He’s made his own fortune. He’s a millionaire.”

  “Money doesn’t make a man, and it certainly doesn’t make a man mature!”

  “It sure makes him attractive though!” Claire said.

  “Good grief, Claire! You need to expand and edit your check list.”

  “What about you?” Claire asked. “What happened with Bill? You should be over there right now with him.”

  “Are you trying to change the subject?”

  “I sure am. Just like you are. Why aren’t you with him?”

  “See, there it is again. It is always about the physical part of a relationship with you! You know, there is a lot more to a relationship than that. If you ever figure that out, you might actually develop a deep and meaningful one!”

  “And, there it is! The trouble with you is that it is never about the physical part! If you factored even a little of it into the equation, you might be a little less uptight and a whole lot happier! Oh, but I’m sorry. You’re the expert on deep and meaningful relationships!”

  “Punching pretty low tonight aren’t you, Sister?” Anna Marie said as she slugged down the rest of her wine. She got up to pour herself another glass.

  “Easy there, Anna! You’re not any better with liquor than either one of us are with men.”

  “Isn’t that the truth? What’s the matter with us?”

  “I said it before, blame our parents!” Claire said.

  “We could, but they’re over there in their cozy little house still all married up after fifty years. Here we are—I don’t even know what we are.”

  “Our parents hate each other.”

  “Do they, Claire? Or, do we just think they hate each other?”

  “I don’t know, does it matter? The bottom line is they screwed up our perception.”

  “Maybe we should grow up and grow past blaming them. It isn’t doing either one of us any good!” Anna Marie said.

  “Grow up! Grow up! Grow up! What does that really mean?”

  “It means evolve! It means learn from the past and make changes. If you don’t, you just keep making the same mistakes.”

  “So, did you just make the same mistake with Bill that you made with Kevin? What happened?” Claire asked.

  “I don’t know. I don’t have any idea what happened! We were going at it and the next minute he was asking me to leave.”

  “What? That doesn’t make sense.”

  “Welcome to my reality show! I don’t know, I guess I did make the same mistake—if the mistake is to get involved with men who don’t make any sense! But, Bill isn’t anything like Kevin! Nothing at all like him. He doesn’t even—they don’t.” She stumbled over her thoughts, “I don’t know what is going on! I can’t even attempt to explain it.”

  Claire could see that the wine was already affecting her. “You don’t have to,” she said. “Let’s go to bed. We can try again tomorrow.”

  “Agreed!” Anna Marie said. “This day needs to be over! I can’t take anymore!” She set her wine glass on the counter and started for the bedroom.

  “Anna,” Claire stopped her, “I shouldn’t have let Jonny do that here. I shouldn’t have even brought him here. I just get to feeling all alone sometimes, and I don’t think because I get so scared. I’m really sorry.”

  “What are you so scared of?” Anna Marie asked.

  “Being alone, I guess.”

  “Well, you’re just dumb! I’m never going to let you be alone! You’re so stupid!”

  “I know.” Claire flipped off the kitchen light and followed her down the hall. “I said, I’m sorry!”

  “Whatever!” Anna Marie said as she closed her bedroom door. “Good night Brat Butt,” she called through the door. It was the name she used to call her when they fought as children.

  “G
ood night, Dork Butt,” Claire called back.

  “I love you,” Anna Marie mumbled.

  “I love you more,” Claire answered.

  42

  Liz pulled into the driveway and smiled at the way her grandmother looked sitting on the porch swing next to Clifford.

  “Are you coming tomorrow, Mary?” Clifford asked as Mary stood up.

  “Do you think you will need me?”

  “To be honest, I could handle the day by myself. I would hate it though. I would miss having you here. I would miss you terribly.”

  “Okay,” Mary said.

  “Does that mean you’ll be back?” he asked.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “I won’t talk about marrying you,” he said.

  “Oh, I know you won’t,” she said as she stepped off the porch. “Get yourself inside! You’ve had more than enough of the night air!”

  “Goodnight, My Sweet Mary.”

  “Goodnight, My Crazy Clifford.”

  “Hey Gammy,” Liz said as her grandmother climbed into the car. “How was your day?”

  “It was good,” she answered. “Yours?”

  “I don’t know?” Liz said as she turned the car away from the drive. “I just don’t know.”

  “What is it, Tootsie?” she asked.

  “Boys are weird,” Liz said.

  “Yes, they sure are,” Mary agreed, “but, girls are weird too. No, that isn’t it. Girls and boys together—that’s what’s weird. I think that the love Angels sit up there and laugh at us. They put two poor souls together, throw a little love dust in their eyes and break out the popcorn. I’m certain they have a good time watching us make fools of ourselves.”

  “Right?” Liz said. She paused and started to chuckle, “Gammy, what exactly are love Angels.”

  “Well, I don’t know, Baby Girl. I guess I just made that up.”

  Liz continued to giggle. “I am picturing grown men in diapers with cigars hanging out of their mouths.”

  “That would certainly explain things, wouldn’t it?” They both laughed. “What is going on with your heart, Lizzy? Talk to Gammy.”

  “Oh, it's Gary. Well, no. It’s Mark. Okay it’s Mark and Gary.”

  “You can’t say I didn’t see that one coming,” her grandmother said out of the side of her mouth.